Stupid Wedding

Posts tagged makeup

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Stylists get thirsty too

I get that you’re wrapped up in YOUR day. I understand that you’re having a great time with your wedding party and are distracted by keeping the crazies at bay with your mom, but don’t forget - wedding stylists are people too.

If we are standing around for hours, do we not thirst?

If it’s a super long day, starting at 6am because you insist on having all 8 of your bridesmaids be ready by 10am, do we not get hungry?     

When these basic needs are not met does your hair and makeup not suffer because your stylist is not a robot that runs on batteries?

Take care of your stylists. In the end it benefits you too, because despite what you might think, they’re not machines. They just don’t have any emotions left because they’ve become desensitized after seeing thousands of sweet, beautiful and “unique” weddings… just like yours

Filed under Wedding stylist lol funny hair makeup bridal party

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Fine, I’ll redo your makeup (True story!)

I work hard at my job. Not as hard as say, being a stay-at-home mom or a firefighter, but certainly harder than a lot of jobs, like Congressman or video game tester. I make sure my bride’s makeup looks absolutely perfect and will last all night long, even through the tears of happiness (or anger) from the wedding. This often means being on-site super early in the morning and standing on my feet for hours and hours.

The work gets harder when brides do stupid stuff to mess up their makeup, because then I have to redo it. To prevent doubling my workload, please don’t

- go into the bathroom when the shower is running. Sure it was a smart way to steam-iron your veil, but it’s a dumb way to steam-smear your eyeliner.

- rub your eyes like you’re angry at them. Dab. Dab.

- distract the bride, beginning a chain reaction where she moves and I poke her in the eye with a mascara wand, causing mass chaos (this is for the bridesmaids and for the record, no bride of mine has ever lost an eye).

These mistakes can be avoided and will leave your face looking gorgeous and me with enough time to finish the rest of the wedding party’s makeup.

Still, there are times that no one can prevent a makeup mishap.

I had just finished a bride’s makeup when there was a knock at her door. The maid of honor answered it and there stood a woman playing guitar. She had been hired by the soon-to-be husband to sing a original song he’d written for his bride. It was uber sweet and romantic, like something straight out of a Hugh Grant movie that no real husband could ever live up to. Even though I didn’t know the couple, I started tearing up. How could I expect the bride not to be a blubbering mess? We’re not talking delicate, gentle crying. This was hands in the face, nose running, complete disregard for my work, crying. Gone was the makeup and out came the puffy red face. But for once, I was ok with it. As the mascara rolled down her face, I realized that sometimes it’s worth having to redo the makeup.

… Oh and then I went home and yelled at my own husband for never surprising me with a romantic song he’d written and hired someone to sing.

Filed under True wedding story makeup romantic bride funny