Posts tagged jealous

When I got engaged, I had a thunder stealing coworker. We’ll call her Schmennifer - because her real name was Jennifer. She went from congratulating me, to planning her own wedding.

Schmennifer: “Are you going to have a photo booth?”

Me: “I don’t know yet…”

Schmennifer: “Chocolate fountain? Live doves? Petting zoo?”

Me: “Umm…”

Schmennifer: “When I get married, I’m going to have an ice sculpture and a 12 piece string quartet. Did you get that link to the Vera Wang dress I’m getting?”

Me: “It’s beautiful. So are you seeing someone?”

Schmennifer: “No, but might as well plan now so I don’t have to skimp… no offense.”

I wasn’t offended by her continuous one-upping me with a pretend wedding, because my real wedding was between me and my fiance (and, sigh - our mothers). But then one particularly rainy Monday, she got super bitchy.

Schmennifer: “Your ring is dull because it’s white gold. I only wear platinum.”

I’d had it, “Bitch, back off!” Only it was just in my head. I never actually got the nerve to stand up for myself, because Schmennifer was hit by a car that very night.*

I planned my wedding without listening to any of Schmennifer’s jealous advice. And I felt bad, not because she wasn’t engaged, but because if she ever does get engaged, some poor sap will have to deal with her for the rest of his life.

* Unfortunately only in my dreams.