Stupid Wedding

Posts tagged engagement

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Leap Day doesn’t count

Yesterday was Leap Day and apparently tons of women proposed to their boyfriends and then quickly turned around and got married just hours later so they could say they got married on February 29th. * Story here.

For those of you new grooms that woke up in a panic over “your decision” to say yes, there’s no need to stress. The marriage only counts every 4th year, which means you just need to get through 2012 and then you’ve got the next 3 off. Whew!

* At least that’s what I think the story said. I didn’t read the whole thing, because I really don’t care.

Filed under leap year wedding wedding Feb 29th lol funny engagement quick wedding Amy Adams Matthew Goode stupid movie

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Don’t rain on my parade! (True Story!)

When I got engaged, I had a thunder stealing coworker. We’ll call her Schmennifer - because her real name was Jennifer. She went from congratulating me, to planning her own wedding.

Schmennifer: “Are you going to have a photo booth?”

Me: “I don’t know yet…”

Schmennifer: “Chocolate fountain? Live doves? Petting zoo?”

Me: “Umm…”

Schmennifer: “When I get married, I’m going to have an ice sculpture and a 12 piece string quartet. Did you get that link to the Vera Wang dress I’m getting?”

Me: “It’s beautiful. So are you seeing someone?”

Schmennifer: “No, but might as well plan now so I don’t have to skimp… no offense.”

I wasn’t offended by her continuous one-upping me with a pretend wedding, because my real wedding was between me and my fiance (and, sigh - our mothers). But then one particularly rainy Monday, she got super bitchy.

Schmennifer: “Your ring is dull because it’s white gold. I only wear platinum.”

I’d had it, “Bitch, back off!” Only it was just in my head. I never actually got the nerve to stand up for myself, because Schmennifer was hit by a car that very night.*

I planned my wedding without listening to any of Schmennifer’s jealous advice. And I felt bad, not because she wasn’t engaged, but because if she ever does get engaged, some poor sap will have to deal with her for the rest of his life.

* Unfortunately only in my dreams.

Filed under True wedding story bride funny lol thunder stealer jealous engagement

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Bruno Mars is bored

The top 2012 wedding song according to some poll, is “Marry You,” by Bruno Mars.

                                  We’re looking for something dumb to do.

Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you…

If we wake up and you wanna break up that’s cool.
No, I won’t blame you;
It was fun girl.

The man speaks the truth. Marriage is dumb. Whether it’s you don’t want to be tied down to the same woman the rest of your life, you regret marrying that idiot man, or you need better ratings on your reality show, marriage shouldn’t be taken seriously. Just a little Jesus Juice Dancing Juice and you won’t care what life altering mistake you make.

If you’re bored, try making this lifetime commitment… until you quit. You won’t be blamed, “Ehh it was fun.”

For lyrics to this perfect walk down the aisle song, click here, or ask a 12 year old.

Filed under I think I want to Marry You Kim Kardashian commitment engagement funny Bruno Mars wedding songs celebrities