Posts tagged celebrities

“Honey, I know exactly how to make your wedding perfect… by not letting you have a say in any of it.”

“Pardon me, it’s Your Royal Most Excellent Momzilla-ness to you. Thank you.”

Less than a month later, Aretha Franklin is calling off her engagement to her hilariously named fiance, William “Willie” Wilkerson. In a press release she said the reason was because they were moving too fast.

What? At 69 years old, how is anything moving too fast for you Aretha? And no offense, moving… moving at all, could do you some good. Maybe you should think twice before ending things. We were all so looking forward to seeing you in whatever ridiculous wedding gown you chose.

She is beauty, he the weird looking dude with scars that you can’t call a beast because he’s black and you’d get in trouble.

Now, after 7 years, they’re calling it quits. What went wrong?

It’s not because of the loss of identity Heidi felt after marrying him, becoming “Mrs No Last Name.” You see, these two are known for their love of Halloween costumes and by that, I mean Heidi loves Halloween costumes. (Dudes are fine going to the party in jeans and a t-shirt as long as they can see slutty nurses.) From the Adam & Eve to the slightly inappropriate ape costume, these two went all out… all the time.

Two of those pictures show what they actually wore in their 2005 and 2011 wedding renewals. Hey Heidi and Seal - you guys look like idiots. White Trash and Masquerade themes are fun for prom, but your wedding?

Guess they used up all their creativity on Halloween, leaving no ideas left on how to make their marriage work.

FINAL ADVICE FOR BRIDES: It’s one thing to make him iron his shirt or wear pants to dinner, but don’t try to change him into something he’s not.

The top 2012 wedding song according to some poll, is “Marry You,” by Bruno Mars.

                                  We’re looking for something dumb to do.

The man speaks the truth. Marriage is dumb. Whether it’s you don’t want to be tied down to the same woman the rest of your life, you regret marrying that idiot man, or you need better ratings on your reality show, marriage shouldn’t be taken seriously. Just a little Jesus Juice Dancing Juice and you won’t care what life altering mistake you make.

If you’re bored, try making this lifetime commitment… until you quit. You won’t be blamed, “Ehh it was fun.”

For lyrics to this perfect walk down the aisle song, click here, or ask a 12 year old.

DO go for the look you’ve always dreamed of

DO bring in pictures from a m agazine for your stylist

DON’T expect your hair to look exactly like the magazine

DO keep in mind that you’re not Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez or Scarlet Johansson, so no matter how hard you try, you’re never gonna look like them.